The Mommy Badge

Once again, I have earned another beloved "mommy badge". I've been wearing the "I've Been Pooped On" for a while now. This one is the all too lovely..."Crusty Snot on the Shoulder Badge". It's the one that you don't really notice until someone points it out to you. Like your husband, who blatantly asks "What is THAT on your shirt?" and you reply with a very casual "Oh, it's snot" and continue to go about your business (without changing shirts). The poor husband is left standing there wondering where his sexy wife went. Well, the answer to that is: She is on vacation until the offspring is no longer requiring frequent suctioning, Benadryl every 4 hours, and vapor baths every night. Just be glad I brushed my teeth today, okay.

So, obviously Olivia is suffering from a horrible cold that has left her miserable at times. Mostly at night when all is calm in the house. This last week has flashed me back to the newborn days of sleep deprivation and the feeling of complete cluelessness. I thought I was beginning to become a pro-mom and I felt like I had some knowledge to this whole parenting thing. It's amazing how one little snotty kid can change that in a flash!!

Another thing that never ceases to amaze me is the fact that I AM A NURSE. Which to me has always meant that I had an upper-hand at managing these health crises. The problem is...at work, we have many different options for sucking snot out of a kids nose...aka Respiratory Therapists bearing long tubes connected to a canister on the wall which catches all the loveliness. At home, I have the bulb sucker that was sent home with me from the hospital after delivery.

I now know the reason I see parents just letting their kids have snot running down their face. It is NOT worth the fight to try using this very simple piece of equipment.

So, if you see me at Wal-mart today and Olivia is looking rather DKish (Dirty Kid-ish) then put yourself in my shoes. And thank you for pointing out that crust on my shoulder or even better...thank you for staring at my shirt and not saying anything. That is very sweet of you.

One more question...Would it be weird if I sent my kid to the church nursery wearing a mask? Yeah, you're right...not the cool thing to do for sure. I guess it's the price we will pay to get a little more Jesus in our lives.

Sincerely,
The Proud-Wearer-of-Bodily-Fluids-Mom

Mobility is not a mom's best friend

Well, Olivia is mobile. She is crawling. I am tired.

Here's my definition of mobility coming from a mother's perspective:

Mobility means EXHAUSTION...plain and simple. This new milestone that my daughter has achieved is moving us into a whole new level of parenting...and she's not even very good at it yet. The days of sitting back watching her play are OVER.

As proud as I am to know that my child is healthy and happy and able to crawl around...I miss the old days sometimes. The days where I could place a pallet down on the floor and she would stay on it. The days that I could walk out of the room for a moment and come back to find her sitting sweetly in the spot I left her...not under the coffee table or pushing buttons on the TV.

I used to wonder why people would put their kids in a play pen or a gated area. I thought it was weird and mean. I now know why and am contemplating on investing in one of these contraptions for the sake of a semi-clean house and a child with minimal injuries. I've gotten so comfortable with my parenting habits and now I am being forced to change them thanks to the mobile baby.

Here's what I miss most of the pre-crawling days:

1. Sitting
2. Bathroom breaks
3. Eating
4. Completing tasks
5. My clean house

Here's what I've exchanged those things for:

1. Squatting, crawling, kneeling, bending, holding.
2. An impressive bladder capacity
3. Meals of mixed nuts and Zone bars
4. Laundry that's clean, but not put up.
5. Dust bunnies and dirty dishes

I have also finally become aware of how new mother's are sometimes so much skinnier than they were pre-baby. Basically, it's a constant state of calorie burn and the inability to complete a meal. I guess this will be my new weight loss plan. I'll let you know how it works.

Again, even though I may seem to be complaining about certain things...I am very thankful and blessed to have such a child to complain about. There are many parents that would be happy to be exhausted because of chasing around a baby. I am aware of this...thanks to my job. It has taught me to cherish the moments of exhaustion and replace the frustration with thankfulness.

I love you Olivia Kate...now please take a nap so I can shower.

Sincerely,
The Soon-to-be-Skinny Mom

A vist from a very special lady

Most of us have a certain person in our family that has always brought joy to our lives. A kind of person that no matter what they do...they make you smile and always seem to have happiness all around. A person that so many of our greatest memories of our childhood are revolved around.

That person for me is my Aunt Dazie (aka "Boo").

Aunt Dazie is my grandmother's sister-in-law. She was married to my Uncle Jim and lived in Marion, AR right outside of West Memphis. After my mom and I moved away from Memphis, we would often go back to visit my Grandmother and stop to see them on the way.

I remember their house so vividly...but mostly the screened in porch. They lived on a lake and had a dock where we could fish. There were lots of ducks and it seemed like Aunt Dazie always had a loaf of bread just for me to use to feed the ducks. It was white bread and I remember rolling a little piece into a ball and eating it myself. I LOVED that and looked forward to it every trip. I remember them having a big refrigerator outside that Uncle Jim kept grubs worms in for fishing. I'm pretty sure I caught my first fish off that dock.

If we didn't make it to their house, we would always be sure to stop by the liquor store they ran in West Memphis, right off I-40. I think my fondest memory of Uncle Jim is from these stops. He ALWAYS gave me a pack of plain M&M's every time. I remember walking around that store looking at all the bottles of wine and all the "weird" drinks in the cooler. Sometimes, they would have a customer or two stop in while we were there. I bet those people were wondering what in the world that skinny little blonde was doing in a liquor store! I was clueless and thought nothing of it!

My Aunt Dazie is 86 years old and sharp as a tack! I'm pretty sure that she is better with the computer than I am. I mean she has a facebook account if that tells you anything! She is always laughing, telling stories, and making people smile. She has an identical twin sister, Mazie (aka "Tiny"), who she lives with in Alabama.

Aunt Dazie is so special to a lot of people. All of the family just adores her. I hope that when I'm 86 someone is telling stories like this about me. I have a lot of work to do.

Sincerely,
Christie

Blonde and proud of it!!

We all know the phrase "Blondes have more fun". Well, I don't know if that's really true, but there are definitely some advantages to being a blonde...a natural one that is.

For instance, I have a built in excuse to say and do stupid crap. See conversation below:

Sam: Honey, did you run the dishwasher?

Me: Yep

Sam: So, you DID run it?

me: YES, I DID RUN IT! why?

Sam: (standing in front of the dishwasher getting a closer look at the dishes that were FAR from clean) Um, well....

Me: (walking over to the filthy dishes, but wet dishwasher...confused) Hmmm.

Sam: So, did you put soap in it?

Me: Yes, I guess it just didn't come out or something. (opened the door to the soap holder) See! I told you I did!! It must be broke or something!!

Sam: (long pause) Wow (another long pause) Honey, you have to OPEN it and take the plastic off before you put it in there.

Me: Oh.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh at yourself. This was one of those times.

Sincerely,
Blondie

Top 5 things I love about Wisconsin

5. Highs of 73 in June
4. Briq's ice cream
3. Point Brewery Beer
2. Cheese Curds
1. Family

Let's start with #5...Yes, that is correct...HIGHS of 73!!! I think it was God's way of rewarding us for a 14 hour drive. We left our house in Little Rock, AR at midnight and arrived to the glorious weather the following day at 3:00 p.m.

#4 is a place down the road from my in-laws that serves up some delicious ice cream treats. They are famous for their 1 lb ice cream cone. I have actually seen this 1 lb delight in person a few years back when my ice cream loving father-in-law took it on. I look forward to my next trip to Briq's, but I'm SO VERY thankful that I do not have a place like this down the road from my house.

#3...doesn't really need an explanation. If you know me, you know I like beer. There's a town in WI called Stephens Point and that is where this brewery is. The last time we went (pre-Olivia) we did the tour with the "free 15 minute taste all you can taste" at the end. It's quite amazing how much beer you can actually drink when you know you have a time limit! This year Sam, Eric, Olivia, and myself took a field trip to the gift shop and dropped a whopping $70 on beer paraphernalia. Everything from T-shirts to chapstick. In Wisconsin, it's completely normal to take your child to places like this. No one even blinked an eye when we rolled in with an 8 month old.

#2...oh...my...goodness. Cheese curds. I have to admit...I was reluctant at first when my brother and sister-in-law introduced me to these magnificent little things. I mean...cheese "curd" just sounds weird. Thankfully, I am a brave eater and popped one in my mouth without any hesitation. That was about 3 years ago and I'm still a sucker for a fresh curd. Too much time had passed since I heard the squeak on my teeth..which is the major indicator of super fresh curds. Eric said the look on my face when I took a sample of the curds in Mullins Cheese Store was priceless. It was a moment of mouth heaven.

#1...sweet, sweet Libby. Our one and only reason for hopping in the car. Libby is our niece and it was our first time to see her in person. She is 8 weeks old now and oh, so cute. Sam and I are so thankful that Olivia will have a cousin so close in age. It was so neat to see Olivia checking the baby out. I found myself trying to remember back when Olivia was that age. I kept asking Sam..."do you remember?". It's unfortunate how quickly memories fade and I kind of struggled to remember her little ways at 8 weeks old. It really makes me thankful that I am a camera-crazy mom and I have captured so many little moments of her life so far. I think it's probably time for me to do a little reminiscing during the next nap.

Overall, we had a wonderful trip! We could definitely do without a 14 hour car ride and will split it up over 2 days next time. Olivia did well and only had 1 semi-meltdown on the way up and one on the way back. My most awesome husband drove his girls safely to our destinations and we are very thankful. Poor guy slept 14 hours and still woke up tired this morning.

So, if you ever find yourself in the wonderful state of Wisconsin...you have at least 4 things to enjoy!

Sincerely,
Aunt Christie

Motherhood Milestone

There are things that I never appreciated until I entered the adventures of Motherhood. There are things I never knew existed, things I never knew were possible, and things I never thought I'd do as a mother.

Some of my discoveries have been joyous and filled with laughter and love.

For example, the first smile...at 3 weeks while I was attempting to master the "must-have" Moby wrap. This contraption is basically a 5 foot long piece of jersey fabric that cost me 40 bucks. After wrapping, tying, and squirming around in this thing I shoved my little 3 week old baby into it...went to the bathroom to see how we looked and laughed out loud at myself. Olivia looked up at me and smiled.

An INTENTIONAL smile. Not one that resulted in a toot.

Joyous.

Watching her grow into a little girl with the perfect mixture of her momma and daddy. Seeing things from a different perspective and enjoying life in a way I never thought possible. Relaxing a little. Understanding what life is all about and wondering why it took me so long to get here. These things are at the top of the list on what I think being a mom is all about.

Now, with every list there is a top...and a bottom. While all things have their special place in the heart of a mom...cleaning poop out of the adorable inflatable duck tub is not one of them. Cleaning poop out of the duck tub with your bare hands certainly does not rise to the top of my list of favorite things to do. Why would it, right?

It's amazing how Olivia felt so natural in her bathtime activities tonite. I thought I had my daughter figured out. I never even noticed the stillness in her slightly squinted eyes or the corners of her mouth turned down just a bit. I did, however, notice something that didn't belong in the duck tub when I lifted her out.

I did the only thing I could think of.

Grabbed my phone to take a picture, of course. I mean, I HAVE to show Sam what his precious little princess did for momma tonite. I'm secretly hoping he will have sympathy for me.

So, another Mommy milestone met. I can only imagine what will come next. Whatever it is...I'll have my camera phone ready and waiting...right next to my Purell hand sanitizer.

Sincerely,
The Not-Scared-to-Grab-Poop-with-her-Bare-Hands Mom

Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle...Hold Stiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllll.

What the hell has the cartoon world come to? Excuse my choice of words here, but really...who is the freak that thought up Yo, Gabba Gabba?

This person is most definitely living in an altered state of mind. I mean...let's just start with the weird grown man wearing a skin tight orange jump suit and a big orange wig. He's I guess the "leader" of all the other freaks on this show. He would do so much better being in a commercial for teeth whitener since he's got the biggest shiny grill I've seen in a while.

Moving on to the red thing that has a case of the small pox. I thought we took care of that disease a long time ago, but apparently not. That's the only way to explain all the big huge bumps all over this guy. And the one big eye? I guess they are trying to sneak some Greek mythology in there and teach our kids about good ole' Cyclops.

Oh, poor Foofa.

When I first saw this show I thought you're name was Fupa. Which is a word that can be used to describe a region of one's body. It is an actual medical term and the appropriate definition is "Fat Upper Pelvic Area". Needless to say...this word is most often used inappropriately and I was sad to see that the girl freak on this show who is already "rotund" in shape had to live her life with such a name.

Now, of course Liv loves it. It puts her into a "cartoon trance" and allows me time to fluff my hair a little. So for that...Thank you Mr. Freako Man with the weird imagination. I hope to meet you one day just to see what you look like. But, in the mean time I will enjoy having good hair on most days.

I guess the moral of the story is that Olivia hasn't learned to make fun of things. Her inherited sarcasm hasn't developed.

Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is something we could all use from time to time. It's like a constant reminder that things are okay. Their innocence is remarkable and something to be treasured. I guess maybe that was the whole point in developing the freako cartoon. The creator probably hoped that someone would realize the point he was trying to make.

I did, Mr. Freako Man.

Now, if I can ask a favor of the creator of Big Red Bumpy Cyclops and Foofa. Please continue to make new episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba so I can continue to have cute hair...But, if you could come up with another equally "trance-inducing" cartoon that is tolerable for us sarcastic adults I know it would be very much appreciated.

Until then...whatever makes my child smile will continue to be my daily goal. However, I will not stop trying to sneak in a few episodes of those adorable little blue people we all remember as kids. I'm POSITIVE that cartoon was created by a completely normal and sober person.

Sincerely,
The Tolerater of Weird Cartoons and The Mom who DVR's all episodes of The Smurfs.